Today is my six year anniversary with my adorably sweet and oh so sexy hubbin'. Man, I love this guy. It was love at first sight for me. The minute I saw him, I saw us together. It took a little longer for Eric to realize our fate...but thankfully he was ready to jump in with both feet pretty early into our relationship.
We get asked often...what's your Secret? Our quiet faithfulness and love for each other is apparent to a lot of people (so we're told about as often as we meet someone new). So, our Secret. Hmmmmm...
If you'd asked either of us three months ago we would've shrugged our shoulders. You see, it was a rough year for us. We became disconnected in a way we haven't dealt with in our 10 years together. After several occasions of hurt feelings and bruised egos we slowly became a bit numb where the other was concerned.
This all came to a head in what I now refer to as the "Come To Jesus Talk". A simple breakdown in communication that I know many couples deal with daily. One text message sent in frustration and I was a puddle of emotion in my tiny cube at work. I know this sounds a little dramatic...tears over a text message you're thinking? You have to understand that Eric and I only text hilariously ridiculous thoughts or quotes, or what time we'll be home. We've never sent a text or left a message in anger. This was very new territory for us.
Thankfully, Eric and I are awesome at communicating, even if it takes us a minute to get around to it. We spent four hours that evening replaying the last six months. Each of us considerate of the other's thoughts, opinions, and perspectives. So that's one Secret I suppose. We genuinely care enough to spend a few hours talking it out. Sometimes it takes a while folks. Six months of ambivalence usually means there is a lot that has been left unsaid.
After hours of rehashing the hurt feelings and moments where we'd hurt each other, we came to the next Secret. The genuine apology. Neither of us is stingy with an apology. A genuine apology. It can't be overstated how important a genuine apology is. You see, a genuine apology is not only saying your sorry, but a promise to be more mindful in the future surrounding that particular behavior. Eric and I both agree that one of the most sincere forms of respect is an apology when you've made a mistake.
So, a few good talks, and three sessions with an AMAZING marriage counselor later, we're back and better than ever!!!! That's the other Secret I think. Recognize that although you love each other and want things to get back to normal ASAP...you might need help. Our marriage counseling experience ended up being an extremely cathartic experience for us. We both enjoyed the experience equally and still love talking about what a great experience that was for us as individuals as well as a married couple.
So, as I woke up this morning in our cozy bed I was grateful for a few things.
1. I have a super good looking husband who has my oh-so-favorite look in a boy. Shaved head, goatee, tall, and built like a brick shithouse (as I get back to my southern roots and sayings). I still have a crush on this man and get butterflies in my stomach when I see him...especially after a shave.
2. This boy whose physical strength has yet to be outdone by any other man I've known, also has a very kind heart. He's sensitive in the most masculine of ways.
3. He picked me. I tell you this friends, there is nothing more reassuring and wonderful than the feeling you get when the man of your dreams picks you. *sigh*
This morning I came across the most beautiful piece of writing I've seen in a while. I dedicate this to my sweet hubbin. I love you. I loved you the minute I saw you, and I'll be darned if it doesn't keep getting better.
You are my favorite Buddy...I soooooo love loving you!!!!
THE INVITATION
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder, May 1994
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon, I want to
know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!
I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own, without moving to hide or fake it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with
wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without
cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being
human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you’re telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even if it’s not pretty every day,
and if you can source your life from God’s presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the
edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “YES!”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, wary and
bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you are, how you came to be here. I want to know if you
will stand in the center of fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
